There ceremony my dad did:

Welcome!

 

We have gathered together today to celebrate the gift of love and marriage, and to honor and witness the wedding of Tara and Ian.

 

Friends, family, it is so good of you to be here today. Let this be a day of gladness and goodness for all of us; but especially for Ian and Tara, who are coming together to demonstrate the wonder of love through the celebration of their joining in marriage.

 

So, Ian and Tara sat down with me to discuss their marriage, and my first words to them were, “Are you nuts?? You’re both kids!”

 

I was thinking of the traditional wedding vows–for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, and wondered if they had any idea how hard it would be to live up to those ideals.

 

Not that my objections would make any difference.

 

And then I thought some more on this. Yes, these two kids are young, maybe too young to really appreciate the full ramifications of what they intend to do today. But I do not doubt their love for each other, nor do I doubt their willingness to create a bond with each other.

 

In the years they have been together, they have already demonstrated the ability to nurture each other and work together. They have seen trials and grown closer as a result. I have no doubts about their commitment to this marriage.

 

Marriage is a very special kind of relationship, a sheltering and sacred environment through which, with love, friendship, and, honestly, a great deal of work, a couple may learn what it is to be more alive and more human than they could have ever done on their own.

 

Learning to share their love and their lives, learning to support and nurture each other creates the marriage, the pair-bond, the “coupling”.  Week by week, year by year, a marriage becomes a living, breathing entity, which both must contribute time and effort to keep growing and vibrant.

 

To use the words of Mark Twain:

“There isn’t time–so brief is life–for bickerings, apologies,

heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving–

and but an instant, so to speak, for that.”

 

So here we are today, with all these family and friends gathered around, to witness the joining together of these two. The relationship they have had until now was just the first step. Now the fun, and the real work, can begin in earnest.

 

Invocation

[Ian’s Grandfather speaks]

 

Quotes

I think true love is never blind, but rather brings an added light,

an inner vision quick to find the beauties hid from common sight.

No soul can ever clearly see another’s highest, noblest part,

save through the sweet philosophy and loving wisdom of the heart.

- Phoebe Cary

 

Vows

Tara and Ian, you’ve heard these words of advice and warning. Are you ready to say the vows that you’ve prepared?

 

??? (We didn’t write these down. Whoops!)

 

Poem read by Sharlene

“Why marry at all?”

 

Why mar what has grown up between the cracks

and flourished like a weed

that discovers itself to bear rugged

spikes of magenta blossoms in August,

ironweed sturdy and bold,

a perennial that endures winters to persist?

Why register with the state?

Why enlist in the legions of the respectable?

Why risk the whole apparatus of roles

and rules, of laws and liabilities?

Why license our bed at the foot

like our Datsun truck: will the mileage improve?

Why encumber our love with patriarchal

word stones, with the old armor

of husband and the corset stays

and the chains of wife? Marriage

meant buying a breeding womb

and sole claim to enforced sexual service.

Marriage has built boxes in which women

have burst their hearts sooner

than those walls; boxes of private

slow murder and the fading of the bloom

in the blood; boxes in which secret

bruises appear like toadstools in the morning.

But we cannot invent a language

of new grunts. We start where we find

ourselves, at this time and place.

Which is always the crossing of roads

that began beyond the earth's curve

but whose destination we can now alter.

This is a public saying to all our friends

that we want to stay together. We want

to share our lives. We mean to pledge

ourselves through times of broken stone

and seasons of rose and ripe plum;

we have found out, we know, we want to continue.

    -- Marge Piercy

 

 

Rings

The rings you have for each other are symbols of your vows. As you wear them, you each remind yourself, and announce to all who see them, that you have chosen to be bonded to each other. These rings are made of simple precious metals, but as you wear them, they will become even more precious than any substance made.

 

Exchange of the Rings

 

I marry you with this ring;

with my heart, with my body,

and with the very core of my spirit.

 

Pronouncement

Now, seeing as you have freely chosen each other, you have promised your love and commitment with your vows, you have bonded your love with the exchange of rings, I now pronounce you husband and wife.

 

The Benediction

May all that you have been, and all that you are, and all you will become, with the joining of your hearts and minds, continue to show you your purpose.

 

May you always be brought into the presence of yourselves and of one another, and may you live long and happily fulfilling all that you are.