THE SHORT

• I am eerily adept at removing blood stains
• When I say “brilliant” I usually mean “very reasonable”
• A representative sample of my thought processes: “wrists are the ankles of my arms”
• I have loved more people throughout the years than have warranted it and without many results
• I am indeed crazy about unicorns
• I’m a bit of a hypochondriac, but only plausibly so
• I was unable to say the phrase “see ya” without feeling painfully awkward and self-conscious until sometime this year and am, consequently, unreasonably proud of this new-found ability

THE LONG

Basic Timeline
I was born in Vallejo, CA (pronounced by the locals as Vuh-lay-ho, seriously) although I never lived there. I lived in Napa, CA from age 0 through 7 when my mammy moved us in with my now late step-father in Sonoma, CA (my parents separated when I was young enough that I have no memories of them ever being a couple). She re-married when I was 9, giving me a rather frightening Greek step-family, including 2 step-brothers (one of whom is also now deceased). At 10 she bore me a delightful half-sister (although she was a bit of a monster in her first few years) by the name of Kayla. At 12 my mom, step-dad, little sister and I (the step-bros lived in Utah throughout the school year with their mom) moved to Reno, NV where I was trapped for 6 years (with the exception of the 1 year I spent in Santa Rosa, CA, living with my dad). I then moved here to Seattle, WA because young love is terribly optimistic.

Jorb History
My first job was over the summer between 8th and 9th grades at the bookstore my dad managed in Santa Rosa. Basically I alphabetized and helped people find things because I was 14 and therefore not a legal employee. I started my second job on accident when I was 16 and it lasted only a week. My mom told me I could work anywhere that would hire me except casinos and places downtown, so of course my first legitimate place of work was in a downtown casino. It was one of those ’50s themed diners where the dining tables are inside old cars. My third job was at a “Junior’s” clothing store that was at times awful like all retail positions and at others really awesome. I started as a part-time sales gal when I was 17 and left as the assistant manager a little over a year later. When I got to Seattle I fell into the most souless job ever: I was a bookkeeper for a lumber company. Just thinking about it makes me want to shred anything with numbers on it. I currently work at a low income housing building which offers a number of services to those in need of them. My title is plainly “Front Desk Staff” and the job itself is a combination of security, reception, and night manager type things. It’s pretty swell most of the time, although people are often lying assholes. I also have a new, second job in the basement of the same building. It’s a hygeine center for homeless women and I’m a “Wellness Services Coordinator,” which again just means I do anything that needs a-doin’. It is really great!

Of Personal Importance
Although evidence suggests that my husband Ian and I knew each other in middle school neither of us remembers knowing the other until sophomore year of high school. We became casual friends around the end of that year and became good and then really close friends over junior year. Some depressing elements during senior year cemented us into best friends and we began dating that St. Patrick’s Day. [to be cont'd.] I met my best friend Heather because she happened to be dating Ian’s good friend Mark. They broke up long ago, but we’re still rockin’ our friendship Gemini style. [to be cont'd]