When I was a wee lass, I wanted to marry my mom. My understanding of marriage was that when two grown-ups loved each other and wanted to spend the rest of their lives together, they got married. I loved my mom and I swore up and down that I would always want to live with her even though she guaranteed that I’d eventually change my mind. I don’t remember her giving any other reason why we couldn’t, other than it wasn’t legal (which by itself isn’t really a reason), so it wasn’t until I was much older that I updated my understanding of marital functions to include any sexual attraction or child-raising aspects. Maybe it’s because of this delayed understanding that I still feel the primary purpose or means for marriage = a shared love + companionship, the sum of which can be found in many non-romantic friendships.

Why, then, can’t friends get friend-married? I’d like there to be a stand-alone term for the union, for actually one of the reasons people prefer that “civil union” bullshit for non-hetero marriages (because it’s “different”), like maybe “we’re going to get friended” or “let’s be amitied.” We could adopt and reallocate the word amity, “oh, it was a lovely amity.”

If Heather and I got friended we’d have bubble tea at the amity! …and maybe top hats?